Roger Federer & Tiger Woods are BEST FRIENDS! See their adventures HERE! Tennis Blog and comedy!

Saturday, July 7, 2007

Mee mee meee meeeemeeee



just fuck each other, already.

Wimbledon - A Sob Story

Every year, I get excited about Wimbledon.

THe first week is a week of hope, a week of new opportunities. A week of good times.

THe second week is a week of upsets, nail bitters and inevitably for the last FOUR FUCKING YEARS heartbreak. (actually, make that FIVE years now)

WHY DO I EVEN PUT MYSELF THROUGH THIS SHIT? WHY CARE SO MUCH????

There is only one thing that will make me feel better at this point.
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VAMOS, RAFA! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!

Friday, July 6, 2007

I don't want to talk about it

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that about sums it up.

GILLETTE - THE BEST A MAN CAN GET

I wish I could find this commercial for you guys on you tube - but I can't.

But if you watch any of Wimbledon on NBC 9and I know you all HAVE been), then you will see the new commerical with Roger, Tiger and Thierry Henry. Its for Gillette and at the very end its Henry, Woods and Federer all walking, manly like, after shaving.

And then Roger reaches over and rubs Tiger's cheek. And Tiger gives Roger a homophobic look, like "dude don't rub my cheek" and Roger looks at him like "ah ha!" and then Tiger look at Thierry and jerks his thumb towards Roger with a look like "can you believe this guy?" and Henry looks at Woods like "oh don't act like you don't like it."

I almost did a cartwheel when I saw it for the first time. Hee hee!

In other news, Roddick was doing awesome, and then Gasquet took the third set. I am very nervous and freaking out. He better fucking win this match.

Or I will be a Cranky McCrankerson for the rest of the weekend.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

I KNEW IT!

I just read this online- so its true!

Roger Federer is a cyborg.

Think about it. His game has no weakness. Federer is agile and in superb physical condition. He’s got great first and second serves. He is as deadly from the backhand side as with his forehand. He volleys well. He blends power with finesse, and turns strokes that most professionals would be lucky to merely return into winners.

Watching him effortlessly deploy these weapons is a joke, especially when he decides he will really assert control over a match. Even Pete Sampras, he of the record 14 Grand Slam crowns, could be worn down, especially on slower surfaces. There is no answer for Federer’s game. Andre Agassi, after falling to Federer in the 2005 U.S. Open final, conceded as much, calling Federer “the best he has ever competed against.”

There’s a reason for that, Andre. Federer is a machine created by the Swiss government.

Yes. He is the by-product of years of scientific innovation by a spiteful, wealthy European nation. Tired of being overlooked as a small, landlocked, politically neutral country for centuries, Switzerland developed this mechanized tennis prodigy in top-secret research labs in an attempt to grab a piece of the global spotlight.

It’s so obvious. Listen to Federer give an interview sometime. With a firm command of multiple languages, he will politely credit his opponents and modestly deflect attention from himself. So diplomatic. Almost too much so. It feels forced… robotic, even. The reason for his five losses this season, including the French Open final to Rafael Nadal?

Red herrings. Blips on the radar screen to throw us off. That, or the Swiss brain trust is still working out the bugs. Either way, there is clearly a plan in place, that being for Federer to usurp Sampras’ record and establish himself as the best to ever pick up a racket. This is a conspiracy.


I am glad I am not the only one who knows the TRUTH!

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

In Pictures

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I didn't Know Jane Child was playing tennis...

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"I have the uncontrollable urge to fall DOWN..."

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Hot action.

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Really.

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Really?!!!!

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Oh god.

It's Official. I'm sick of Federer.

BLOG Blogging

I'm going to start putting my tennis blogs up here. I don't know why I haven't until now.


Here's my WIMBELDON blogs, THUS far.
June 22
What a magical time of year. Some of you have NFL draft, some of you have Christmas - I have my two biggest holidays: Wimbledon & The US OPEN. Oh, and my birthday, I guess, where for the last two years, I have had a tennis tourney.

Today the draw came out for Wimbledon. I just did my bracket, which I am sure I will cursing myself later in the week for some of my picks (Mahut? REALLY, DYAN???!?!?!?) but its part of the fun and I am glad that they do this now and its not just me with a sheet of paper sitting in front of my computer.

Possible cool match ups. Battle of the Andy's in the quarterfinals. I picked Roddick to win the whole thing too. Yes, I know that Roger has won for the last four (FOUR!!!!) years in a row. And this is precisely why THIS is the year he will fall to Roddick. This is Roddick's first Wimbledon with Jimmy as coach. And he won Queen's Club last week.

I love reading stuff like this - gets me pumped up!
"He has a lot of experience in getting over what happens in Paris," said Patrick McEnroe, the U.S. Davis Cup captain, in a telephone interview last week. "He's aware his best time of the year is coming up. I think you have to put him in as a solid No. 3, behind Nadal, who's just slightly ahead, based on confidence level. I believe this is Andy's best chance to win a Slam.

"I talked to him the day after he lost in Paris, called him at noon, and he had already practiced two hours. He was very disappointed last year at Wimbledon, which will motivate him more this year."

After reaching the 2003 semifinal and the final in 2004 and 2005 -- losing to Federer each time -- Roddick departed early last year, falling to Great Britain's Andy Murray, 7-6 (4), 6-4, 6-4. It was especially painful because Murray is coached by Brad Gilbert, Roddick's former mentor.

Just as clay diminishes his strengths, the slippery slope that is grass magnifies them. Roddick's searing serve always keeps him viable. Consider his five matches at Queen's: Of the 12 sets he played, eight were determined by a single break of serve and the other four went to tiebreakers -- all won by Roddick.


Ha Cha Cha! I Love it!

And TOMORROW at 3pm Tennis Tourney. I don't think we have ever had this many people coming before. Which is awesome, and overwhelming and just plain fucking cool. And Although I am organizing it, I will be playing. There are six courts. I hope we can bully all the Plymouthians off all of them and just own the place. Or at least get 4 going at once.

I get my tennis dress today. I realized today that while I only have one day off for the 4th of July, and my boyfriend is going up north, its ok. Because I will be sitting around my house watching tennis all day. And there is a really good possibilty that the Battle of the Andys could happen on July 4th. Brittish vs. American. How fucking cool is that.

JUNE 24th
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ANDY MURRAY - BRITAIN'S ANGRY YOUNG MAN TRIES TO BRING HOME THE TITLE

...or not.

Andy Murray pulled out of Wimbledon on Sunday, saying he had not fully recovered from a wrist injury.

The 20-year-old eighth seed was Britain's best chance of success at the grasscourt grand slam which starts on Monday.

"I have done everything possible to get ready for Wimbledon ... but I'm not 100 percent ready," the Scot said in a statement.

"The doctor has advised me not to play and that I probably need about 10 days to be ready. Unfortunately, I don't think it is going to rain for the next 10 days."

Murray missed the French Open and Wimbledon warm-up events because of a wrist tendon injury sustained in Hamburg in May.

He is replaced in the draw by Kevin Kim of the United States. This kind of fucks up my bracket. I also fucked up my wrist and my knee yesterday. WTF. I still don't get that. Ice is your friend. I have been icing.


Just so you know, for the next two weeks, I'll pretty much be doing nothing but talking about tennis.

Will be posting the video of the tennis tourney soon. Going to start working on it tonight after rehearsal. Its going to be a good one. Complete tennis tourney wrap up forth coming. And thanks to everyone who came and watched and participated. Biggest Tourney yet! We had something like 9 teams!

JUNE 25th
I would just like to preface this with "this was my first time using iMovie (what a piece of SHIT!) and while it would be better if I did it on my avid, I've been so busy at work that I would probably never get to it. So I came home from editing all day to editing all evening.


I swore I'd never become one of those people. But - its all for a good cause!

Teams

Really Rottens - Trey & Witt
Tragedy in a Public Place - PJ & Rebecca
The Schlongs - Lana & Matt
The Trolls - Paul & Aaron
The Phil MacCrackens/Pulverizers - Me& Christian/Christian & Travis
Akataka - Barb & Charlie
Team Annihilation - Chris & Kristin
The Classies - Julie & Bryan
BRP! BRP! - Garrett & Jeremy
Death Volley - Dan & Michelle

I didn't get to put the party on after because we ran out of batteries. Thanks to Petrere for letting us use her camera and for taping the first half!

If you are thinking "wow, that looked like fun", it was and let me know if you want to go to the next one in Either July of August...

xoxoxoxo







JUNE 28th
Ok. So Justin Gimelstob lost to Andy Roddick in the first round of Wimbledon this week. Which was expected. Then I found this. He wrote this article for SI.com before the draw came out. He is the only one who believes!

There are a handful of legitimate contenders at Wimbledon this year, and when I say "contender," I mean everyone else besides Federer. I know everyone is convinced Rafael Nadal is closing the gap on the world No. 1 and that the three-time French Open champ deserves to be the favorite to dethrone Federer, especially after last year's run to the Wimbledon final.

I'm not one of those people. Unlike Nadal, who is unproven at the All England Club, Roddick's resume speaks for itself. He has twice been a runner-up and once a semifinalist at Wimbledon, all of those losses at the hands of Federer. Roddick has also dominated the unofficial Wimbledon warm-up event down the road at the Queen's Club, winning it for the fourth time last Sunday.

Granted, Roddick's short run at Wimbledon last year was a disappointment -- he went down in straight sets in the third round to Andy Murray -- but I think that was an aberration. I still consider him the second-best grass-court player in the world. I asked Roddick what he thought he needed to do to win Wimbledon this year and he was pretty adamant that had everything he needed inside of him.

"I just need to keep doing what I'm doing," he said. "Keep taking it to them, serve and return well. I don't need to overcomplicate things, I just need to focus on putting my game forward and let my opponent figure out how to deal with it. I have contended three out of the last four years. I probably should have won in '04, and I believe I can do it this year."

I believe he can do it, too. Obviously, Federer is the biggest obstacle there is. But when Andy plays, his serve is one of the biggest advantages any player has. If he can dictate play off the baseline and bridge the gap between the baseline and the net, I think he has a great shot at his first Wimbledon title.


I don't have any footage of his match at Wimbledon this year, but check out his dives!






Its hilarious! There was this one point in the Roddick match where they BOTH dove! Awesome shit. You gotta love grass.

After his loss to Roddick, Gimelstob had this to say:
Andy and I are quite friendly; I have a ton of respect for him and told him that after the match. He does things the right way, trains hard, plays hard and enjoys himself in the process. In my opinion, that's all you can ask of someone.

He and I have quite a bit of history: I used to play doubles with his brother, John, back in juniors and I practiced with Andy in Hawaii before he left for the Australian Open in January and in Paris after our first-round losses at the French Open.

The fact that Roddick has Jimmy Connors in his corner only made the experience of playing Andy even more bittersweet. At one point in the first set, I couldn't help to think that I was getting my butt kicked in front of one of my childhood idols.

I had a lot of things going through my head late in the match, but for the first time in my life, my motivation was to remain on court and prolong the experience as much it was to find a way to win. I was very aware that this could be my last singles match at Wimbledon, and to know I'll never again be able to experience the feeling I had today is, for lack of a better word, a bummer.

It's a tough way to say goodbye to the All England Club, where I've had a good amount of success and some of the best memories of my career. But I couldn't have chosen a better, classier opponent to bow out to. I didn't get my perfect game, but all my memories here are for love of the game.

I fully expect Roddick to get to the semifinals and meet up with Roger the Great. Good luck, Andy.


AWWWWWWW!!!!! Three cheers for Justin Gimelstob!

What a cool guy.

JULY 1st
Tommy Haas pulled out of Wimbledon.

What does that mean? Well, he was supposed to play Federer next.

Which means Federer now has a BYE and doesn't have to play until Wednesday - that's 5 days off (hasn't palyed since Friday). Meanwhile, because of rain and that fact that he is on the bottom of the draw, Nadal has to play EVERDAY for the next seven days. NOT FUCKING FAIR!!!!

Also, Federer will be better rested for his semi with Roddick.


All of this makes me want to beat people in the face.

JULY 3
Mary Carillo - you sound like a dude. And stop being so hard on the Americans. Jesus Christ. If Andy wants to stay that far behind the baseline, maybe he has a reason. If Serena says her calf is cramping, maybe it is.

Dick Enberg - Stop calling Daniella Hantuchkova HAN-TUCK-uva. That's Not how her name is pronounced. You should know that.

Brad Gilbert - Just go away! Just because Murray isn't in the tourney, that doesn't mean anyone at ESPN likes you! Darren Cahill & Chris Fowler will beat your ass in the back alley if they could! Patrick MacEnroe won't even be in the same room as you! AND WHAT THE FUCK were you wearing yesterday??!?!?!? It's WIMBELDON, class it up!

Patrick MacEnroe - Dude. Stop being mean to Cliff Drysdale. Seriously. It makes us uncomfortable.

Cliff Drysdale - Stop hanging out with such underage ladies. And stop letting Patrick MacEnroe be mean to you.

Darren Cahill - I like you. Continue the good work!

Chris Fowler - I like you too.

Johnny MacEnroe - You just fucking rule and you always will. Best tennis commentator there is.